Sitting here listening to wind and rain crashing around my little house on a hill in the west of Ireland thinking. Nature reminds us that change is inevitable , no matter how one wants the night to linger ; night will change into day. For ice to change to water methinks certain things would contribute for example heat or lack of freezing conditions at least. A happy non smoker does not I would argue become a slave to nicotine as naturally as night becomes day so therefore I conclude there must be something of a secret ingredient in a cigarette that works on the mind of some and not of others . There are smokers and there are non smokers. I would suggest that the majority of smokers are not happy to be smokers , this research has been done in cold windy doorways of hotels , restaurants , theatres , wedding venues and many other places where we smokers gather to discuss our terrible habit . Each time we leave such areas our self worth seems to be carrying another dent . I wonder sometimes how many dents until I eventually cave in .
The wind is still howling and there is no change fast approaching so my lovely garden challenge will not I fear sustain me through the winter months . I feel my spirit rising slowly as the word DISCIPLINE keeps knocking on one of the doors of my mind . I know the change that must begin and I know how busy I will be painting DISCIPLINE on a thousand doors au lieu de LAZY on some not all. perhaps lack of discipline or lack of planning would be kinder on some of those past doors rather than Lazy but yes I must admit some of the doors in my head labelled Lazy will take discipling to be renamed Relaxation sans smoke . They say that a habit takes about 30 days to form; who they are je ne sais pas mais pas de probleme . One of the things I feel I must do is something I love and I just love using some French language here and there in the hope that one day I will write a whole page of perfect French. A guy once told me when I was rabbiting on about how wonderful the French language was that maybe I should study my own Gaelic language , he did look a learned and philosophical Guru type he also added that to study my own roots would give me the key to happiness I desired.
Those motivational quotes are great to read and sometimes they do enter one of the doors in my head . I like to make my own up sometimes they are probably based on something someone said before but the one I always call to mind as it must have a rather large signpost over it; is the drawing of steps that I made when studying for my degree , I still have that piece of paper somewhere and I will attach it to this entry , as it holds a lot of power for me. The power to keep on moving and seeing the next step is a wonderful feeling now to just get on that first step its the hardest one I think . I call myself Kate when filled with determination , Kate is so strong and always reaches the top of the stairs sometimes the climb is tough she falls slowly down though so next time Kate is a happy non smoker how will she manage the stairs stay in tune for the next episode of Kate’s climb to find out if she has taken the first step . Happy happy days .