I stopped smoking a few years back with the aid of a wonderful book called the ‘Write Way 2 Stop Smoking’ , the ideas in the book I found to be a wonderful adventure , so I really enjoyed the 12 weeks it took to study this book in detail. In short the idea was to journal each day , to shake up your life really. A lovely new adventure unfolded each day. It was a success in so far as I was a happy non smoker most of the time for about 15 weeks.
So what happened? you may ask , well I became complacent thought I had it all under control, but I really did not have anything under control least of all my childish ways. Yes that is what was my downfall . Tonight I began to question why I am an addict ? and, why I fear becoming clean ?
Yes fear is a big part of any addiction we fear being without our cigarettes or whatever else we are addicted to . The next question was why , I asked myself Why do I have this fear, name this fear I almost shout to myself. Well the answer is not that easy because I know I can be a happy non smoker , because I have been one . The fear is the yucky bit, the in-between bit , the withdrawal bit , I now know this does not last forever, so I go back to the worst bit of that yucky bit and that is why I have called this post ;’ I have a plan’ . I knew Descartes would come in handy one day.
The yuckiest bit of withdrawal for me, was not being the nicest person in the world to my lovely darling husband, and as we are now getting out of the teenage years I really don’t want to upset him too much because he really is a hero to put up with my childish ways at times , mind you he can be childish too. The poor man would be a millionaire now if he had married a sensible lass .
Getting back to that fear bit is harder you know because it is so so immature for a lady hanging on to 59 for the next few months to admit to immaturity . By the way I was 49 when I last embarked on being addiction free and swore I was doing it in order to live the next 50 years as positively as I could. Okay okay I will get to the point but for those that have not had the pleasure of meeting my darling he is a delightful character , kind ,hard-working and entitled to his passions, he has only one and that is football. Now don’t get me wrong his family always comes first if there is an emergency but he loves football, watching it , following it , reading it . I detest it , okay when my children play I like it but that’s it .
Of course it would be nice if Mayo won the Sam Maguire because we could celebrate for a few hours not a few years like I think some may try . When my husbands team wins I really am happy for him that’s when I am smoking . When the voice in my childish head says ….. you are putting in all this hard work and everyone around you is engrossed in football , the television is blaring and the radio is plugged in to their ears and you poor old you cant even forget the noise and go and have a cup of coffee and a few cigarettes . That presses funny buttons in my electricity supply and my face gets all grumpy and it spoils everyone’s enjoyment and then the cunning addiction has won round one .
But aha I have written this post without a cigarette , and I have a plan . The plan is this my head phones; yes and at first I thought… sure I cannot wear headphones when I am working in the kitchen and the television is blaring , and even if I do I will see them all engrossed in their passion and it will annoy me when addiction reminds me to be annoyed in the first place.Remember addiction is cunning it will seek our weakness and play to the tune.
But then it came to me; what about my passions? and I have lots , they change often too so I wont get bored , I love the French language, I am trying hard to learn about growing things in the garden, I love literature especially a debate or discussion on something I have read; I still have that thirst for knowledge .
So this is my plan I will listen to something that absorbs my mind , and I really do need a refresher course in grammar or grammaire as I love to say aloud perhaps I can get an audio of eats shoots , something like that I can google it . That’s my plan for when the immature me decides to throw a tantrum , I will be that engrossed in my own passions that I may not even hear her. My garden challenge will feel the benefits of my new found wealth; instead of cigarettes I shall buy trees and each tree will bear the emotion of the day. Now I have another fear , will I post or will I not? Of course I will ,what have I to fear , this is the start of my research into my addiction and they say knowledge helps us to make informed decisions. At least now when I light up a cigarette I will be aware that I wrote this post without a cigarette in my hand , that I was feeling good again after a few darts from addiction to go search the ashtray and if I manage to sit here tow night without smoking I will christen the tree i hope to purchase tomorrow with my cigarette money.