mary ellen

There is something very sad  about seeing this year out  , I cannot put my finger on it exactly but it has something to do with the death of my lovely mother in September of this year. It feels like  I am really saying goodbye and  it hurts. I have been busy these past days with family and  I am so grateful for all  of my family and their lovely  cheery faces and happy outlook on life; it  is renewing and  a joy to be part of .

The joy and tears are so closely  bound  together today , silly things start me off  like  remembering  a dish I was so happy to prepare for my parents  dinner  years ago  , or something new  in my house that I could not wait to show Mom   have all returned to my mind and  for this I am  grateful because  I was able to have those times with her , of course the sadness does not linger and that is good  because if it did  the good that is happening all around me  would drown in that sadness and thank fully  I will not let  that be. I am alive  and I want to  go on  making lovely memories.

Tonight when I was  holding my youngest grand daughter who is at that adorable age of  9 months and smiling and responding , I thought about how my Mom must have been so happy to  hold and  love my children and this made me  smile also.

Christmas is  a busy time of year for mothers  , no matter how much we plan to do things in a certain way; emotions seem to  rise up against us  and guide us  towards different paths,  eventually; when we allow them to,  well that’s how it is for me today, any free time I had away from work , family fun etc  these last few days I  spent writing emails about a silly cooker that never arrived in time for Christmas. It should not have happened of course but the main problem was; me not  admitting to me that  it was the end of the year that my Mom had died that was really   what was unsettling my equilibrium and not the absence of a silly cooker.

Oh how  we  give life to inanimate objects to  steer us away at times from   the  life that is real , I am real ,  Mom was real, the moments of sadness, the moments of joy, all real , the cooker is not real. Please  don’t get me wrong the company that sold it to me is real and   they are accountable still , just in case they ever read this , I not letting them off the hook.

But  today when I allowed myself  to feel all those real feelings I became aware also of  all those who have had  moments of sadness this Christmas and  I wanted to  send you hugs and  kind wishes  and  I hope that the warmth of my wishes  will help you to  see joy  in the New year.




3 thoughts on “Sad to see the Year go but happy to send you many many good wishes for the year to come.

  1. Your words remind me of my mother’s death on Christmas Day over forty years ago .You capture the bitter sweet presence of a lost loved one in the midst of celebrating Christmas and end of the year recollections. Loving wishes to you as you continue to hold your mother’s death in the midst of living. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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