There is something very sad about seeing this year out , I cannot put my finger on it exactly but it has something to do with the death of my lovely mother in September of this year. It feels like I am really saying goodbye and it hurts. I have been busy these past days with family and I am so grateful for all of my family and their lovely cheery faces and happy outlook on life; it is renewing and a joy to be part of .
The joy and tears are so closely bound together today , silly things start me off like remembering a dish I was so happy to prepare for my parents dinner years ago , or something new in my house that I could not wait to show Mom have all returned to my mind and for this I am grateful because I was able to have those times with her , of course the sadness does not linger and that is good because if it did the good that is happening all around me would drown in that sadness and thank fully I will not let that be. I am alive and I want to go on making lovely memories.
Tonight when I was holding my youngest grand daughter who is at that adorable age of 9 months and smiling and responding , I thought about how my Mom must have been so happy to hold and love my children and this made me smile also.
Christmas is a busy time of year for mothers , no matter how much we plan to do things in a certain way; emotions seem to rise up against us and guide us towards different paths, eventually; when we allow them to, well that’s how it is for me today, any free time I had away from work , family fun etc these last few days I spent writing emails about a silly cooker that never arrived in time for Christmas. It should not have happened of course but the main problem was; me not admitting to me that it was the end of the year that my Mom had died that was really what was unsettling my equilibrium and not the absence of a silly cooker.
Oh how we give life to inanimate objects to steer us away at times from the life that is real , I am real , Mom was real, the moments of sadness, the moments of joy, all real , the cooker is not real. Please don’t get me wrong the company that sold it to me is real and they are accountable still , just in case they ever read this , I not letting them off the hook.
But today when I allowed myself to feel all those real feelings I became aware also of all those who have had moments of sadness this Christmas and I wanted to send you hugs and kind wishes and I hope that the warmth of my wishes will help you to see joy in the New year.